Are you living someone else’s values thinking they’re your own? ⁠ — Kim Bielak

“If over time more and more of a person’s true values become replaced by values taken and borrowed from others but perceived to be their own, the self will become a house divided against itself. They will feel as if they do not really know who they are and what they want.”

- Calvin S. Hall & Gardner Lindzey

So many of our beliefs and internal messages actually come from places others than ourselves — society, our parents, our teachers, the media, even those we admire.

The problem is, we all too often assume when we say we “should” do something, or we “want” something, or that we “believe” something, the voice is really our own. When what we truly value and want in our career, our relationships, and our lives comes into conflict with the values we’ve assumed, it’s no wonder we feel split and pulled apart. ⁠

It takes a lot of work to uncover, undo, and redefine what your own, true values are. Where will you start?

Kim is a Life and Career Coach and Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee in LA. To learn more, visit

Originally published at on September 15, 2020.



Associate Marriage & Family Therapist (#130527)

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